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Losing What You Never Had

by Jack Becker on 2018-05-22

I knew she was never really mine, that one day she would slip away from me. I always knew I would lose her. If not to the Reapers, then to the Normandy, maybe even to her duty as a spectre, the whole of the galaxy depending on her. But most of all I feared losing her to someone else. Not to just someone. To her.
SHE THOUGHT HER VOICE MIGHT crack, or get stuck in her throat. Fail her. That her shaking knees would not carry her weight any more. Fold beneath her.
"I'm sorry..."
Forcing herself to speak she spoke with as much calmness she could muster. "Don't worry Shepard, I... understand." Looking across the commander's shoulder she took a deep breath. "You should go, she's waiting..."
Her voice broke then and she covered her mouth with her soft, small hand to muffle an involuntary sob. Rue moved towards her, but she withdrew quickly waving her hands dismissively at the commander, clearing her throat. "No, don't... mind me. I'm fine, I just... I'm tired that's all."
Rue frowned, her blood-red hair falling stubbornly in her face. "Are you sure?"
She nodded numbly. "I'll see you around commander. I... hope the two of you find happiness." Sitting back into her chair behind her large desk she stared indifferently at the commander who nodded before retreating from her spacious office. The metal doors slid and closed with a faint hiss behind the commander as she left.
She wanted to call after the commander, beg her to stay, plead for Rue to return the heart she had given so solely to her. But she didn't. She was far too proud for that. Instead she picked up the electronic dossier that lay on the desk before her. She had turned it off when Rue had come to speak to her, but now she switched it on again. The blue screen flickered at her and her vision blurred with hot tears falling from her eyes landing with graceful splashes on the small screen in her hand.
Patient status: Pregnant.